Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Remember Your Character's Love Language

Whether your relationship is a friendship or a long term commitment, identifying your partner’s love language will galvanize those bonds. In your writing, it will make your characters more 3 dimensional, more relatable.

Besides identifying your character's wants and needs, their goals and obstacles and their hates and loves, remember to think about their love language.

Affirmation. Simply stated, this is giving recognition. It may seem silly to thank an adult for picking up his own socks or putting his own dish in the dishwasher, but giving praise or recognition says his actions are appreciated.

Service. What have you done for me lately? Talk is cheap. If this is your character’s love language, they don’t want thank yous; they want deeds. Helping to bring in the groceries or fold the laundry means more to them than saying you love them. Show them.

Gifts. If this is their love language, they want to receive gifts, cards, flowers. Giving them something tangible says to them you care about them and you love them.

Quality time. Spend time with your significant other, but that doesn’t mean being in the same room, but doing different things. It means actively listening, eye contact and giving them your undivided attention. Put down the phone or remote and really listen to them. Hear what they are saying.

Physical touch. Touch can be anything from hand holding to more intimacy. Physical toughing is therapeutic. It lowers our blood pressure, reduces our stress hormones and releases dopamine and serotonin (the feel good hormones) and oxytocin (the bonding hormones). Physical touching tells our partners they are important and fosters feeling of safety and security.

What is your character’s love language?


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