Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Identify Your Character's Love Language

Whether your character's relationship with other characters is a friendship or a long term commitment, identifying their love language will give more depth to your characterization.

The same holds true for your personal life. Recognizing your partner's love language will galvanize your relationship bonds.

1. Affirmation. Simply stated, this is giving recognition. It may seem silly to thank an adult for picking up his own socks or putting her own dish in the dishwasher, but giving praise or recognition says their actions are appreciated.

2. Service. What have you done for me lately? Talk is cheap. If this is your character’s or significant other’s love language, they don’t want thank yous; they want deeds. Bringing them chicken soup or ice cream when they're sick or sad or washing their car means more to them than saying you love them. Show them.

3. Gifts. If this is their love language, they want to receive gifts, cards, flowers, notes. Giving them something tangible says to them you care about them and you love them.

4. Quality time. Spend time with your significant other, but that doesn’t mean being in the same room, but doing different things. It means actively listening, eye contact and giving them your undivided attention. Put down the phone or remote and really listen to them. Hear what they are saying.

5. Physical touch. Touch can be anything from hand holding to sex. Physical toughing is therapeutic. It lowers our blood pressure, reduces our stress hormones and releases dopamine and serotonin (the feel good hormones) and oxytocin (the bonding hormones). Physical touching tells our partners they are important and fosters feeling of safety and security.

What's your character's love language? Does it clash or complement your significant other? For example, if your main character enjoys hand holding and hugging and the recipient doesn't want to be touched. This could be a source of conflict or frustration for one or both characters.

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