Breaking Down a Query Pitch

Writing a query pitch requires one to pare down their story to seven sentences or less. Whether your story is a picture book or an adult novel, writing an effective query pitch is challenging. Use the following questions to help you state the key points in your query.

Who is the main character (MC)?

What is the MC’s problem?

What is the MC’s goal?

What are the obstacles preventing the MC from obtaining their goal?

What’s at stake? Make it personal.

What happens if the goal is not reached?

For picture books, how does the MC solve the problem?

For middle grade and older, read the back jacket copy of published works. You’ll notice it doesn’t state how the character solves the problem, it is more of a tease or left unanswered.  

I sent my 4-sentence picture book query below to Jennie Dunham Literary, Inc. and she requested the manuscript.

When Charles visits his grandma in the country, he misses the excitement and noise of the big city and wants to go home. Charles tries to adapt to his new environment by making his own noise. After several attempts of making smaller noises, his imagination kicks in and soon enough the whole farm is in an uproar. Charles is enjoying his time with his grandma and can’t wait for his next visit!

Breaking it down:

When Charles (MAIN CHARACTER) visits his grandma in the country, (OBSTACLE, NATURE OF COUNTRY IS QUIET), he misses the excitement and noise of the big city (MC’S PROBLEM) and wants to go home. (WHAT’S AT STAKE, NOT VISITNG GRANDMA) Charles tries to adapt to his new environment by making his own noise. (GOAL) After several attempts of making smaller noises, his imagination kicks in and soon enough the whole farm is in an uproar. (MC SOLVES PROBLEM) Charles is enjoying his time with his grandma and can’t wait for his next visit! (IF GOAL NOT REACHED, CHARLES WILL NOT COME BACK)

Excluding how the problem is solved, my query would have looked like this:

When Charles visits his grandma in the country, he misses the excitement and noise of the big city and wants to go home. Charles tries to adapt to his new environment by making his own noise. Charles solves his problem and is enjoying his time with his grandma and can’t wait for his next visit!

Adding how the character solves the problem makes the query stronger.

If the seven sentences or less doesn’t work for you, use the number that you need to answer the above questions, but keep the pitch to two or three short paragraphs.