This is not a scientific approach to selecting an agent or an online date, but a more visceral method. We’re going with the gut! I’m having a little tongue in cheek fun with this post.
1. Do they pass the stink test?
Agent - Does the agency have a website? Does it list an address, clients, book sales, submission information, contact numbers?
Date - Is the person always asking about your bank account, investments and how much cash is in your wallet? When you call their phone, do they only answer in whispers?
2. Do they promise more than they can deliver?
Does the agent tell you “you're the next Stephen King or J.K.Rowlings”? If so, run away! Be suspicious of hyperbolic compliments.
Is their profile picture a beauty queen or handsome beefcake, but when you see them you check your cell phone for an eye screening test?
3. Do they take more than they give?
Does the agency charge reading fees, submission fees, a higher than standard percentage for representation?
Is the date high maintenance? Do they always complain about the movie, dinner, your appearance, along with a hundred other objections? Is the date always late, never happy, a “what-have-you-done-for-me-lately person”?
4. Are they what they represented themselves to be?
A legitimate agency with real clients, book sales, etc.
Is the date as active as their bio says they are or is the date really a couch potato who claims to sky dive, BASE jump, and wrestle bears with their bare hands? (Former lives don’t count.)
5. Once you've signed on with an agent, do they cause more grief than pleasure?
Do you have to make repeated phone calls about royalty payments or status updates to the agent? Do they return your calls or emails?
Does the date’s negative attitude about everything have your friends on a suicide watch?
6. Final words of caution
Beware of agencies that send snail mail correspondence with flowery fonts, multicolored inks and envelopes full of confetti (so you can clean up the party after you open the envelope).
Beware of gents or ladies that keep an overnight bag in their trunk.